152. I’m Struggling between a Rock and a Hard Place

Confession: I’m Struggling between a Rock and a Hard Place.

So my blogging has been a little lacking lately. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past couple days. I’ve come to a realization, or maybe better put, I’ve finally accepted something: I’m struggling.

Recently I’ve been in food and fitness fail mode. My meals have been crap; I’ve been skipping my work-outs. I’ve also been feeling really guilty about it. (I think a combination of guilt and denial is the reason I’ve been skipping posts.) Generally I try not to feel guilty about “screwing up.” This time around though, I think the guilt may be justified. I’ve been skipping work-outs and eating like crap for absolutely no reason. I’m not listening to my body. If I were, I would stop torturing it with all this crappy food and laziness. My body wants fruits and veggies. My body wants to run, run, run! My body wants to feel better, and I’ve been ignoring it!

My friend Tara posted a blog over on SparkPeople the other day about breaking through the mental barrier. Her post really hit home with me. I think a mental block is a huge part of my struggles right now. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place right now: torn. Runners talk about hitting the wall during long races. I’ve hit a mental wall. I think I hit it a while ago, and I’ve been trying to fake it til I make it for so long that I’ve been ignoring the facts.

I still have a fair amount of weight to lose (approximately 20 – 25 pounds). This will get me into the healthy BMI range. I don’t necessarily care about my actual BMI, but at 5’3”, I think somewhere in the 130 – 140 range is probably a happy, healthy weight for me. I’ve never been a “small” girl. I was about 135 in high school when I was swimming competitively.

It took me about ten months to lose my first 25 pounds using SparkPeople. I didn’t do a whole lot different than I am right now except I was really disciplined about calorie counting. I’m kind of over the hard core calorie counting thing though. I enjoy documenting my eats via photo and/ or food journal, but calorie counting/ tracking is tedious.

Unfortunately, in the months since I’ve stopped hard core calorie counting, I haven’t lost much weight which makes me feel like I really need to be calorie counting if I want to get the rest of this weight off.

That being said, my workouts have were lacking as well so maybe hard core calorie counting isn’t necessary as long as I’m keeping up with a consistent workout schedule. With winter dragging me down, I wasn’t running nearly as much. I definitely suffered from SAD much worse than I have in the past. It’s gotten better now that we’re getting some spring (and even summer-like!) weather, but I’ve been struggling to get back into a routine.

I’m sure there are non-food and fitness related factors coming in to play as well. I’m in a weird career limbo right now. I’m not going to get into details of that right now though. I don’t think that’s the root of the problem though.

I don’t really have a plan of action at this point. I need to get myself in the right place mentally. I could create the best plan ever, but if I’m not there mentally, it’s not going to work. In fact, my failed 5K training plan is pretty much proof that even the best laid plans will fail if you’re not on board mentally.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Other sagely wisdom?

In the spirit of getting back on some kind of track…here’s today’s post-breakfast eats!

I had this slightly under-ripened banana as a morning snack. Is I just me or do other people feel obscene eating a banana straight out of the peel. It just seems….pornographic.

Lunch was yummy left over Mexican style quinoa with some guacamole I picked up at Alonti. There was also a giant orange that went unphotographed.

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0 thoughts on “152. I’m Struggling between a Rock and a Hard Place”

  1. Woo! Thanks for the shout-out! I totally agree with you – if you don’t own up and say “hey, I’m stuck here, and that’s cool.” you’ll never get out of the guilt/denial loop. Your body needs to be ready. I didn’t break through my mental barrier until I eased up on myself and stopped stressing about it.

    It’s a PROCESSSSSSS! woo.

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