161. Starting Over?

So, as I’ve said a couple times before, I’ve been struggling for a while with the direction I want to take this blog as well as my journey overall.  After much contemplation, I’ve decided that, for now at least, I’m going to switch gears from “healthy living” blog to “weight loss” blog.  I know in a lot of ways, the content is very much the same.  However, there are things that will be involved in that generally are not included in healthy living blogs such as calorie counting.

Yes, I’ve made the decision to go back to calorie counting.  I’ve decided to return to my SparkPeople roots.  Calorie counting and goal setting are my primary foci.  These really worked for me.  I have a few theories on why I stepped away from them, but that’s for another day.  Here’s what you can expect in the future of this blog: 

  • Food photos with calorie counts
  • Exercise and training logs (with calories burned)
  • Goal setting
  • Reflections/ editorial on other articles.
  • More self reflection posts.
  • Healthy recipes

So moving right along, this is the “Starting Over?” blog I posted on SparkPeople last week.  It pretty much sums things up for me right now.

I don’t know if this is me coming back or starting over or getting back on the horse or the wagon or whatever. I would love to proclaim with much gusto, “I’m back and I’m going to make it happen. I’m going to make it to my goal weight.” However, that kind of proclamation just doesn’t feel right. Every time I come back with a vengeance, I make grand plans. I set the bar high. I try to pick up exactly where I left off, and I burn myself out quickly. I’m not sure starting over is really what this is either, but maybe you could call it that. It seems to reflect my currently state of mind most accurately. I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m building my momentum until I reach my tipping point, until inertia kicks in again. Baby steps worked for me the first time around so they should work again, right?

But if I’m truly starting again, in earnest, I need to be honest. I’ve gained between 7 and 10 pounds in the last 6 months or so. I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to admit this (publicly and to myself), but I’m relieved. It feels good to step out of the denial that things have been okay because clearly they haven’t been. It feels good to admit this publicly. I’m hopeful letting go of this denial will help me move forward.

I guess the next question is from where am I moving forward? I’m still in a much better place than I was when I started this journey in late 2008. I eat a much more wholesome and nutritious diet. I’ve sworn off a lot of fast food places. (Just the smell of McDonald’s actually makes me physically ill now.) I’m still working out some – just not quite “enough.” Honestly, my struggles have been primarily mental. The drive just hasn’t been there. I haven’t completely figured out why yet, but I’m working on that. I think, in part, I was content with where I was at. It wasn’t my goal, but it was a good enough place. I grew complacent, and with the complacency came a bit of laziness. That’s not the case anymore. I’m no longer content. I’m no longer okay with how I feel. I feel bloated and lethargic. I can tell I’ve gained weight back. My clothes are getting tight, and I feel fatter. I also feel softer and weaker.

So what’s my next step? (It’s about goal setting, action planning, and achievement after all, right?)

First of all, my long term goals:

  • I want to be down to my goal weight (130 – 135) by the end of September. I really want to be at my goal for my brother’s wedding in October, and since I’m the MOH and the dress has already been purchased I need to allow time for alterations. (fingers crossed!)
  • I want to rock my half marathon. I’ll be happy to just complete it, but I’ll be even happier to actually do well.

Now, we’ve got my short term goals/ the action plan. 

  • I’m going to re-read (and actively involved myself in) The Spark. (Actually, I never finished it the first time.)
  • I’m going to start meal planning (just dinners for now) and weekly grocery shopping again.
  • I’m going to track my food on SparkPeople – every meal, every day.
  • I’m going to start seriously getting in to my half marathon training. (My training plan accounts for my goal to get back into doing yoga and strength training regularly.)
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