201. Eff It.

So here’s the thing: I don’t love my blog.  I like it, but I don’t love it.  I’ve been struggling with this for a while now.  This is why I haven’t posted in over a month.  It’s not that I don’t want to blog – though that is sometimes the case.  It’s not that I have nothing to say – though that is also sometimes the case.  More often than not, it’s that I don’t know how to say it without feeling like a fake.

I’m not entirely sure how to explain it, but I feel like my blog voice is a façade.  I’m the one writing the posts, but it’s not really me.  Maybe it’s what I feel like I should be based on what I read from others.  Maybe it’s some idealized version of me, but it’s not me.  I like me a hell of a lot so why in the world do I hide me?

In addition to not blogging myself, I really haven’t been reading blogs, save a few.  In a lot of ways, I feel like this step back from the blog world has given me a lot of perspective on my own blogging.  I’ve gotten a firmer grip on who I am in the blogosphere, and what I want my blog to be.

So here’s the thing: I want to love my blog as much as I love the idea of my blog.  The first step of any 12-step program is admitting you have a problem.  So there you have it.  I have a problem with my blog, and I’m going to fix it.  All bets are off.  Change is coming.  I’m not sure the exact form it will take, but you can probably expect it to include more of the seven dirty words.  I’ll still be blogging about recipes, about running, and about living a healthy lifestyle, but I’m going to be doing it in a different context.  I want to blog in the context of making me happy.  I want to blog wtih a voice that is true to who I am.  I want to blog from a place where I’m happy, where I’m living my life to the fullest, where I’m doing it for me and no one else.

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