Last week’s weight: 158lbs
This week’s weight: 156lbs
I managed to lose 2 pounds this week, and drop .4lbs below my pre-cruise weight. Now the true test comes…getting below 155lbs. 155lbs is my lowest weight since I started this journey. It’s where I was at in late 2009. It seems to be my mental breaking point; however, this time it will be different. In fact, that’s what this week’s reflections really deal with.
On Monday Laura posted about The Driving Force behind her weight loss as part of Friend Making Monday. This got me thinking about my own weight loss and what drives me to lose weight. By the end of my run, I’d come up with an answer that surprised even me.
When I first seriously took on the goal of losing weight in January 2009, my motivation to reach my goal weight (130 – 135 lbs.) was to get healthy. I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and was pushing 200lbs. And I did not have genetics on my side – I still don’t actually. My goal was less about getting to a certain number of the scale, though that was part of it, and more about getting my blood pressure, cholesterol, and such to normal, healthy levels.
Since starting I’ve reached all those goals except hitting that healthy weight. When I was at the doctor last week, my blood pressure was actually better than 120/80. My cholesterol is still high (It probably always will be, thank you genetics.), but my ratio of good to bad cholesterol is in the healthy range, and my good cholesterol levels are awesome. My fitness is at an all-time high too. Ten years ago, when I was still swimming competitively, I would have laughed in your face at the suggestion of running a half marathon. Now I’ve completed two half marathons with a third on the horizon. I’m slowly but surely building a strength training routine.
I feel confident in saying the goal of “get healthy” has been accomplished even though I still haven’t hit that number on the scale. Obviously my goal is to stay healthy, but I don’t think that necessarily dictate weight loose. This is pretty much a complete contradiction to my joining Weight Watchers with the goal of finally hitting my goal weight (which I’ve actually set at 140lbs. for now.) So why do it?
Honestly, to be able to say I did it. That’s all, the driving force behind my weight loose is to do it. I want to be able to say I set a goal and achieve it. I want to be able to say I reached my goal weight, a healthy BMI weight. I’ve talked about it again and again on this blog: how I struggle to see my goals through. How I’m afraid of being truly successful, of truly accomplishing something I set out to do. Yes, I’ve achieved my goal of “get healthy” by a lot of benchmarks, but I still fall short of the healthy BMI benchmark. I know BMI is not the end all be all measurement of health, but it is a measurement of health. And for me it’s the most elusive one. It’s the hardest to reach and the easiest to give up on. I could say I’m stratified with being 155lbs and healthy, and that wouldn’t be an entirely false statement. However, it would be quitting. It would be me not seeing things through. I want to hit my goal weight so I can say I did it.
Maybe that sounds absolutely insane to you, but it makes sense to me.