First thing first, I want to encourage you all to go read Laura’s post today. It’s a seriously brilliant post about making changes in your life and the importance of timing. Now on to weigh-in.
Last week’s weight: 153.6lbs
This week’s weight: 154.4lbs
Total Loss: -10.2lbs, this session: -2.2lbs
This week was…weird, and the gain came as no surprise. From a food and fitness perspective, I started the week really strong. When I got back from Dallas, I was all about veggie-tastic meals. Last Tuesday, I made a super veggie-heavy stir fry. I ate a one pound bag of baby carrots over two days. I was all about it. Then Wednesday and Thursday and most of the weekend through to Sunday afternoon, I just felt hungry all.the.time. I was also craving really heavy foods – carby, fatty, the whole shebang. I could have eaten Mexican food all day every day and been happy as a clam. Then come Sunday evening and Monday, I was no longer feeling ravenous and back to wanting veggies and whole, healthy foods.
I’m not sure if the crazy appetite was left over from running the half marathon last Saturday or if it was hormonal, but either way, I don’t think that was truly my issue this week. I think my biggest issue was that I didn’t track from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. I always do better when I’m tracking. It’s an undeniable fact that, for me, tracking equals success. So this week tracking is my only goal and focus.
The last couple days, I’ve been thinking much more “big picture” about the weight loss process, and while the rest of this post does tie in with this week’s weigh-in, I really want to take some time to reflect. One thing I’ve never really learned to do is be too hard on myself. Generally speaking, I don’t think this is a bad thing. I think being too hard on yourself can set you up to fail because nothing and no one is or ever will be perfect. If you expect perfection, it’s easy to become frustrated and give up when you’re never achieving it. Setting the bar high is good, but that bar still needs to be attainable. However, there comes a point where failure to be too hard on yourself can be just a big a setback.
Sometimes you need tough love.
Sometimes you need to tell yourself “This is unacceptable.” and “You can do better than this.”
Sometimes you need to be a little hard on yourself.
This is not something I’m good at. I’ve read so mant articles about negative self-talk and treating yourself with the same kindness you give to others, and maybe I’ve taken that just a bit too seriously. I’m the kind of person that gives too many chances. I always see the best in people. I’m forgiving and tolerant, sometimes to a fault. I often give people more chances than they deserve, and it has, in the past, led to me being hurt by others. I’ve been told all these things, and I know them to be true of myself. And while most people are much harder on themselves as they are on others, I’m not. I’ve found I tend to be very forgiving of myself and give myself a second and third and fourth chance. And I probably pat myself on the shoulder and tell myself “It’s okay” a little more often then I should. Again, I don’t think this is truly a bad thing, but there’s a point at which it becomes counter-productive. Just like some people need to learn to be kinder to themselves, I think I need to learn to be just a bit harder on myself.
So how do you strike the balance between being too hard on yourself and being forgiving enough that you’re not constantly battling yourself and putting yourself down? How do I tell myself “I can do better than this” while still allowing for the fact that perfection is illusive at best?
I think for me personally step one is admitting when I’m upset with myself or disappointed with my behavior. On Monday I had a tiny revelation that just maybe I do not always own my negative feelings. I had the following conversation with Laura on Monday:
me: I’m a little concerned about weigh in this week. I had a really “bad” Thursday through Sunday.
Laura: What was bad? And how could you have made better decisions?
me: I didn’t track at all since Friday. I’m sure I’m maxed on weekly points. I just ate a lot of not that great food, and overdid it. I don’t necessarily feel guilty or regret it because I was feeling hungry like all the time and really craving carby, rich foods but now I’m totally over it and all about clean healthy foods and veggies, but I’m sure my weigh in will reflect the weekend
Laura: Well take it as a lesson and inspiration to make sure youre tracking. However, its one weekend. Its the end of a busy month and you get a fresh start tomorrow. And everything you do today and tomorrow will help that weigh in
me: True. I dunno like I said, I’m not upset about it. I think really I just needed to “confess” as a means of accountability or something.
Laura: You are a little upset if you are letting it worry you for your weigh in Otherwise youd be like eff it. So just move past, own it and get to tracking everything. Thats when you are the most successful, plus your schedule is slowing down and you have a consistent workout schedule now
One simple sentence held so much truth. I was upset about it. So why was I pretending that I wasn’t? I’m allowed to be upset about stuff. I’m allowed to be upset with myself when I don’t do as well as I could have. So I suppose this week I have two goals. Track every single day and own my emotions – negative or positive. My goal isn’t to start beating myself up over every little thing but rather to allow myself to be pissed off at myself when I know I could do better. Because I also realized that even when I do own up to my negative feelings, I often downplay them. Maybe it’s because I feel like being upset is being too hard on myself, but it’s not. Being upset or being pissed off at myself is okay. It’s how I use those feelings that matters