Pressure is an interesting thing. Sometimes the pressures we impose on ourselves are great motivations. They pushes us to improve ourselves and to succeed. Other times, pressure has exactly the opposite effect. It is a defeater. It pushes us away from our purpose and goals.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the pressure that is imposed on us by ourselves or others that we lose sight of our purpose. When we fail to do things a certain way or live up to the standards set for us, usually by ourselves, we retreat and withdraw rather than face this “failure.”
Ultimately it becomes a vicious cycle that feeds on itself. I withdraw because I’m not living up to my own expectations or what I feel are the expectations of others. My withdrawal causes me to fall even more short of those expectations. I withdraw further until I finally realize just how ridiculous I’m being and pull myself out of it.
And truth be told, this is where I am right now. This is a big part of why I haven’t been blogging. I feel like I haven’t been living up to standards of the blogging community. Of course, these are my perceived standards which makes the whole thing all the more ridiculous since they kind of completely contradict my whole purpose for blogging.
It’s more than that of course because, like I said, it’s all a vicious cycle that feeds on itself. There’s a lot of aspects on my life in which I’m currently letting myself down – my running, my weight loss, my 28 while 28, my quest to be more sentimental… I’ve been getting down on myself for gaining back so much (read: almost all) of the weight I dropped last year. I’ve fallen behind with my journaling (and subsequent blogging), and rather than just picking it back up, I’ve been avoiding it.
So this is where I pull myself out of my ridiculousness. I started focusing on my own goals again. I start blogging again. I start remembering that my own purpose and goals and expectations are more important than my perceived expectations of others.